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I love fireworks on the 4th of July. Come one, come all, and celebrate our great nation's independence by blowing up a small part of it! |
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It's always easier to get up in the morning when she elbows you in the ribs and says "Get out of my bed, I have to goto work." |
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You could compose a list titled People It Is Safe to Antagonize. Upon careful inspection you will find that my name does not appear on that list. |
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Women are like computers. No matter how much you want to smack the shit out of them rest assured it will not fix the problem. |
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PETA is starting a new anti-KFC campaign in which they claim the 'secret ingredient' in their chicken is cruelty. Apparently cruelty is the most delicious ingredient ever invented, because that fried chicken tastes amazing. |
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I just got some information on an upcoming back surgery I will undergo (disc replacement). In one section they outline 'Complications' which may occur. The most notable listed is Death. That's right, with a capital fucking D. COMPLICATION? That's beyond a complication, that's a fucking state of being. It's not like post-op I'd say, "Oh, I have a little excess bleeding, and some itching, and also I seem to be dead." What the hell?!?!? |
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I think you need to transcend reality if you want to hold an actual conversation with her. For this reason, I think you are the right man for the job. - Colin's opinion of me |
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I would do sinister things to her. |
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I've found that any task can be easily completed if you're using the proper tool. In your case that's lucky because you're such a big tool I imagine you could do anything. |
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I did not sleep at all last night, and I've been in the office since 7 am. It's now close to 9 am and I've heard you say "Morning, sunshine!" to at least 6 people. If you keep this up, I will go to your house and rape one of your teddy bears. |
